Erin's Story

I began checking out Mars Hill Downtown in the beginning of March 2009. It was then that I gave myself to Christ. I met a girl who I became very good friends with. I checked out her community group and was plugged in with a few leaders who I thought became good friends of mine. One girl in particular spent a year getting to know me. We were hanging out a lot within that year. She never judged me, or I never thought she did. She and my community group leader asked me to go through Redemption Groups after only 4 months of becoming a Christian. I didn't know what the word redemption even meant. I told both women that I didn't feel it was the right time. They asked me if I was scared. Ummm no, and to prove that I signed up. I felt forced into something that was not the right time but at Mars Hill, you don't question authority or you will get put into a 100 meetings. I will get to that later. During Redemption Groups, I was dating a guy who I really cared for. My community group had been very forceful that the boyfriend needs to come to Mars Hill community asap to meet him. I brought that up in Redemption Groups and told them that I didn't want my community to be so involved. I was told in a very loud tone "you are not to date". What?!?! The guy was getting weirded out about my involvement at the church and ended his relationship with me.

I had more questions about Christianity and even things at Mars Hill but because of my friend's leadership at Mars Hill, I noticed I was becoming more popular also. I didn't want to lose that "fame" (sick I know). I wanted to do Children's Ministry but the only way to volunteer was to become a member. I didn't know what any of that meant so I just signed up. No one walked through that process with me. I didn't even know what covenant meant but I was going to find out soon enough. My friend started a ministry called REST that I got plugged in with. It was exciting and I still support the ministry in the sense that they help those girls involved with sex trafficking. I am no longer volunteering with that team but I do pray that more women on the streets meet Jesus. I was continuing to get plugged in in everything I could. Then I realized that those ministries became more important than my relationship with Christ. My friend was still my mentor at this time and I stayed in REST because of my passion for that industry and because she ran the ministry. I told my friend that I wanted to switch to the street team and felt more called to that team. She wouldn't let me. I even looked at other organizations because I wanted to be with the women who are involved and help them. My friend was mad and told me I wasn't to go to another organization. This is when I started feeling control taking place. This is all within the first year also.

In 2010, my community group got so big that they had to split into two groups. I wanted to stay with my original leaders because they knew me and I trusted them. Three members of that group including one of the leaders told me that I needed to go to the new group forming. I didn't want to because a single man was leading the group and I felt uncomfortable. I was raped about 5 years ago and I still have some healing to do so I protect myself against single men especially when their is some sort of "dominance" or "control" placed to them over me. My community group wouldn't listen and they told me to join that group. This is where things started to get out of control. A female stepped up and co-lead. We were cool but we didn't get along too well. I would express my concern to others and tell them that this was not the best fit for our growth in Christ. Of course, no one listened and I was told that it was "my heart". I prayed about it a lot and knew this community group was not the place for me. I wanted out. A new church plant was coming and I signed up asap to get out of my community. It didn't work. My community wouldn't let me go at all. 

During 2010, I was called into a meeting and was told I had to step down from all ministries because I talked about them too much. Isn't that the point??!! To talk to others about them so other people want to join?!?!! According to Mars Hill, only certain people aka leaders are allowed to talk about ministries it seems. I was told I had to step down from all serving asap and start meeting with my community group leaders one on one each week. I did as I was told because I knew that if I fought the idea, they would get more people involved. This was towards the end of 2010. I met with the leaders each week as I was told. At this time. I met a girl who went to the University District campus. I had such a heart to walk with her so I started to attend that campus. I felt really called to be there. I loved it. I wanted to walk with college age girls about their idenity. I know what it is like to be a college girl who gets lost in the the whole mix especially regarding guys. I kept attending the UD campus. I didn't mention this to my community group right away because I knew they would not let me go. I was right. When they found out they told me that I had to be at the downtown campus. This was the beginning of 2011. 

At this time, I met a guy who now is my husband. We knew right away we wanted to be together. It was great. We both loved that campus and wanted to be part of the life there helping others. My community group was not having it and said that he is wrong for not finding my community group leaders to see if he could date me. They continually told me that we had to be at the downtown campus. Our campus pastor even said we could go to the UD Campus but my community group leaders said no. My now husband started to attend my community group to make them happy. During one meeting, we spilt into guys and girls. He wanted to participate and told another man he could relate to his struggle. He was told right away that he was not suppose to talk out of turn. Brooks (my now husband) thought that was weird and didn't feel right about the group. He would start making excuses on why he couldn't go to community group anymore. We almost broke up because of it. I wasn't sure what was going on. We were so happy. I soon realized that he was getting weird vibes from that church. 

We stayed together during this process but slowly started to slip out of community. We started to fool around a little bit. Yes we sinned and soon found ourselves crying to each other and repenting. When the church found out I was called into meetings. Brooks never had to go and I know now it was because he was not a member. Smart man. I was told to meet with a few people from my church and I was completely honest with everything. I was told I was lying and making excuses. For as much as I confessed I was shocked and then pissed. I was told I had to meet with a Pastor. I refused because I confessed everything and was walking out repentence. To them, it was not good enough. I knew at this point they would going to do everything in their power to break Brooks and I up. We made a plan to leave that church because we knew that we were walking in the light and walking away from sin.

This is where it started to become what I would define a cult. Brooks and I continued to see each other every day. Because I refused the meeting, my phone would not stop ringing from pastors, leader, and community group members. My community group leader even went to my facebook page and contacted every single person that I was talking to that attended Mars Hill, to educated them on me "living in sin". A few girlfriends called me and were so confused on what was going on. They also felt the church and my community group leader were stepping over their boundaries. So after I talk about my community group leader reaching out to those on my facebook, she along with the biblicial living counselor and a pastor told those that were talking to me could no longer talk to me and could not reach out to tell me. This included my best friend. 

She would not respond to my texts or calls. Finally I got a text from her saying "We can only talk if you talk to me and our pastor together". I knew she was told what to say because that did not sound like my best friend. Her 30th birthday was coming up and we had been planning it for years. I feared we weren't going to celebrate it. I reached out to her and no response. Finally her birthday came and on facebook I saw many people from the church telling her that they can not wait to celebrate with her, including our community group leader. I was pissed. I was so hurt and I cried for days. About a week later her husband called me out of the blue and said "Erin, I fear you had to have no idea that we were told that we cannot contact you". 

I cried a lot. I told him how much I miss my best friend and he said she misses me to but is not allowed to talk to me. I was so mad. I emailed the pastor and he denied the whole thing. He said that he would never say anything. I threatened with a lawyer because this was getting beyond controlling. The church shut down my City (social networking site) instantly and deleted any and all emails that were taking place so I couldn't have any evidence.Every day, at least three voicemails were left on my phone. I deleted the messages because I knew I didn't want to be part of that church. Brooks and I decided in the summer to take a break. I was stupid and contacted the church to apologize. I never intended really on going back to the church but wanted to say I was sorry to them. My friend who was my mentor reached out to me and we met up. She went on and on about how Brooks was probably not a Christian and was potentially a wolf. What!?!?! He was born and raised a Christian and loves Jesus but at Mars Hill they always blame the guy for everything. So she asked me to go to church with her that weekend. I didn't want to. I didn't want to go back there. She told me that I needed to find our Biblical living counselor and our pastor and ask for forgiveness and see if I can come back. I did what I was told. Brooks and I had not been talking really but he wanted to come over that day. Of course I didn't tell anyone. They would freak out. As I was sitting at the downtown campus next to my mentor, I remember thinking to myself "I am never going to be able to leave this church".


Brooks came over that day and we cried with each other. Man we love each other but wanted to give it a little more time to see if this is what God wants for us. He left to go to the UD campus. 4 days went by and we met up again. We both again, told each other how much we loved each other and wanted to make this work one day. I knew that the church was going to freak out. I had a meeting in a few days with a bunch of people and I knew that I couldn't tell them I was seeing Brooks. I went to that meeting on a Monday. That night the Biblical counselor told me he wanted to check all my text messages to make sure I wasn't talking to Brooks. Control- I think so! I said that I deleted them all. They told me that I was not allowed to see or talk to Brooks. Little did they know, I had plans with him that night. The community group leaders were there and I was told to reconcile with one of them. When I did, the Biblical living counselor told me I did it all wrong and was going to show me what to say and do. I had to do exactly what he said. I was so pissed at this point. I left and headed to Bellevue to see Brooks. Again they didn't know. Brooks asked me back out that night and of course I said yes. I knew we had to leave the church if we wanted to be together.

Long story short, the church kept contacting me and they finally "allowed" Brooks and I to date. This was after a pastor called me and I told him I would meet him later but he decided to stalk us and went to the UD campus that night to confront us. Creepy. We had to attend a meeting with that campus pastor and the pastor that stalked us. We were told pretty much that they were going to break us up but needed 24 hours. They said "Erin, will you promise to do everything we say". I just said yes to make them happy. I was so hurt at this point. I was going to lose Brooks again I thought.

Brooks and I decided to leave Mars Hill and go to his home church. After a month, there was a date night with Pastor Mark and Grace. We went and really liked the Bellevue campus. We both thought we would give it another shot. I reached out to a pastor to tell him we were going to attend the Bellevue campus and wanted to start over. We got back into community and really liked our community group. I was trying so hard to let things from my past go about the church but this group and campus proved to be the same. When we got engaged we were told we had to go through Mars Hill Premarriage. We were being married by another pastor and didn't want to go through Mars Hill. Because of that, a pastor contacted us and told us that they needed to "examine" our relationship. We decided at that point, that things were starting to get a little weird again but wanted to try to give it the benefit of the doubt. 

When Brooks and I decided not to go through their counseling, we were notified that we were no longer allowed to be part of the church. We had to leave the church right away and find a new community outside of Mars Hill. Since then, we have never been happier. Our relationship is happier and healthier than ever. I still feel scarred by Mars Hill and a lot of the people that attend there. I share my story because I want freedom for others at the church. I am sure I could find tons more examples to share but I am sure this is enough. If you feel something isn't right and you aren't allowed to question it, that's wrong. I pray that others find freedom outside of Mars Hill.